The Christmasventure of Paperman (2016)

‘Twas a day in December

I recount to you this night

That Paperworld lay in danger

And Paperman had to fight

The caps of the Ice Mountains lay nestled in snow

The Snow Crop Festival was starting below

The city was full of bustle and laughter

Everyone full of mirth and snowy chatter

Then a cold wind blew from the highest peak

Everyone shivered from their head to their feet

Lucky for them Paperman was there

Although he was soundly asleep in a chair

“Wake up!” they shouted to the sleeping hero before them

Even though he was quite clearly snoring

Paperman jumped from his chair ready to fight

And looked all around but found no villain in sight

Jarred from sweet dreams of the Snow Feast in his head

Paperman sighed and just wished to go back to bed

“What’s wrong?” He shouted with heroic command

“If this wind keeps blowing the feast will be ruined!”

“I won’t let that happen!” Paperman replied with a smile

“I’ll stop this great evil and go the extra mile.

I’ll stop The Writer from making me speak in rhyme too!”

But as Paperman did try he knew he would lose

There was no fighting the Writer’s Christmas muse

So Paperman journeyed forth on his newest adventure

His trusty boomerang, a coat, and a Snowy, fur cap

His wits and his strength would bring the Snow Feast back

He hiked and he trudged through the perilous snow

Where snowflakes like buzz saws continued to blow

Our hero did parry in the most heroic of ways

Nothing would stop him during his hungry holiday craze

As he neared the top of the tallest peak

He saw a small cave that gave him the creeps

“The snow is blowing from there.

“I bet it’s old Rip in a new, secret lair.”

Paperman grimaced as he finished his rhyme

He scowled at the Writer and yelled, “Stop making me speak in poetic time!”

At the mouth of the cave the icy flurry was thick

The snowflakes were sharp and gave Paperman a nick

It was more than a nick, ‘twas actually a cut

But it’s hard to rhyme and sound epic

You try writing this stuff

Paperman watched the flurry of snow

And looked out on Paperworld far below

He suddenly realized if he did not end this flurry

The world would be covered with ice in a hurry

As he watched and listened to the howling wind

His heroic hearing heard something over the din

Mumbling and cursing came from the black

So Paperman grabbed his boomerang and knew there was no going back

He gave it a throw and it spun through the air

It cut through the ice and into the lair

The boomerang whistled and then it did stop

The flurry of snow suddenly stopped with a plop

Paperman bravely then dashed to the cave

He knew that Paperworld was his duty to save

Once inside he found a woman shrouded in black

She had his boomerang and threw it right back

The boomerang spun and Paperman dodged

It hit the cave wall and became firmly lodged

Paperman laughed at her poor aim

She was now weaponless and also quite lame

As Paperman rushed her, a smile she cracked

She swiped at the wall and a block of ice knocked Paperman back

“You are foolish to fight me,” the woman did laugh,

“My skills are impressive and you lack basic powers.”

Paperman sprung to his feet and grabbed his boomerang from the wall

“If you want to fight me, lady, at least do it in rhyme!”

“I’ll gladly defeat you then cover this world with ice!

I was not drawn in this cave to be very nice!”

“Much better!” Paperman yelled as he leapt at the witch

He knew beating bad guys was always a cinch

As he brought his boomerang down toward his foe

She blocked it with scissors and knocked him to the snow

The witch then walked toward a giant ice block

And then used her scissors to cut it a lot

She cut up the ice into a giant snow flurry

As Paperman’s vision became kind of blurry

“Why are you doing this?” He said with a gasp

“Because I was drawn this way,” She said with a laugh.

“I told you to rhyme if you wanted to win!”

Then Paperman ran and tackled the witch to the ground

“Hey, writer, it’s tough to beat a magical villain while fighting in rhyme!

Give me a break! I’ll do it in no time!”

So I gave him a break. It was worth just a shot.

I was tired of rhyming and create this witch I did not.

The two scuffled and fought around the whole cave

They locked weapons and traded blows

The witch was strong and her scissors were sharp

Paperman worried that if he did not stop her soon the feast would be over before he got back.

It was in that instant the witch took Paperman by surprise

She kicked him back and leapt to the cave wall

She used her scissors and cut out snowflakes

They magically came to life and flew toward our hero

As Paperman dodged the latest attack

The witch used her scissors and slashed at the air

She caused a tear in the 2D continuum

She jumped through it with haste followed closely by Paperman

Out of the story our hero now jumped. He found himself in a room full of decorations high above the ground. The witch was running down a strand of giant lights. Paperman readied himself and gave chase, careful not to touch the giant glowing bulbs which were hot to the touch. They both ducked and dodged down the entire length of wire. Paperman was happy that her scissors did not have power in the third dimension. They finally reached the end of the strand and the witch had her back against the wall.

“Give up!” Paperman shouted, “and in the spirit of the holidays I’ll let you off with a warning if you promise to not return to Paperworld!”

“And live a life banished to this dimension?” The witch hissed, “Never!”

As she said this, she leapt from the length of Christmas lights onto a paper snowflake that hung from the ceiling nearby. Paperman watched and realized the room was littered with paper snowflakes hanging everywhere. It looked like a paper blizzard. Without any hesitation, Paperman leapt onto the snowflake and chased the witch through the air.

“Stop, witch! Stand and fight if you dare!

I’m growing tired of this Christmas nightmare!”

Paperman winced as he realized he was speaking in rhyme once again. He pushed it from his mind and returned to the chase. He leapt from snowflake to snowflake, using his lighter-than-air paper body to glide through the room. No matter how fast he moved the witch seemed faster. He finally caught her on a giant snowflake. They stood and stared, each not wanting to make the first move, knowing that any sudden movement could tear the snowflake and send them toppling to the ground.

Then the witch smiled with an evil glint in her eye.

“So long, Paperman. This is goodbye!”

“You’re not supposed to rhyme with the prose!”

Paperman shouted at the rhyme that she chose.

The witch leapt from the snowflake and threw her scissors. They spun through the air and cut the thread that held the snowflake to the ceiling. She grabbed onto the nearest snowflake and clung to it as her scissors returned to her like a boomerang. She watched the snowflake and Paperman fall to the ground but was immediately disappointed when she realized in this world paper floats to the ground harmlessly. The witch leapt from her snowflake and floated down in close pursuit of our hero.

They both landed safely on a table and sprang to their feet. They glared at each other but before either could make a move they were interrupted by a rough cough. They both looked up and saw a giant girl towering over them. She smiled and waved at the two paper figures before her.

“Wow, this is so cool!” She said, “My brother always talked about you but I didn’t think you were real!”

Paperman smiled as he realized the girl was talking about him. He gave a grandiose bow and as he looked down he realized he was standing on top of a piece of paper. On it was a sketch of the Ice Mountains and some words that were too large for him to read form where he stood.

“What is this?” Paperman asked.

“It’s my story,” the girl replied. “It’s about you and my friend the Snow Witch.”

“You drew the Snow Witch?!” Paperman said with surprise, “But she was trying to destroy Paperworld!”

“No she wasn’t! She was just going to cover it with snow for a little while!”

“But why would you write that?”

The girl suddenly went very quiet and picked up a pencil. She began to scribble on the paper that Paperman and the Snow Witch stood on.

“Because she doesn’t like Christmas,” the Snow Witch suddenly said and Paperman jumped with surprise at her sudden interjection.

“During Christmas everyone in her family is too busy buying presents and running errands to pay attention to her so she created me!”

“Look, I’m sorry about your family,” Paperman began, not sure whether he should talk to the girl or to the witch, “and we don’t have Christmas in Paperworld. However, the Snow People that live in the Ice Mountains have a Snow Crop Festival every year. They use it as a time to celebrate the harvest and spend time with family and friends. I get being on the outside looking in and so does your brother. Believe me, he created me, so I know. But you shouldn’t let your family get you down during the holidays. They are the way they are because they care about you. It sounds like they get a little sidetracked but that doesn’t mean you can’t show you care about them in some way. The holidays are for showing people love regardless of what they do or how you feel about them.”

The girl smiled as she listened to Paperman’s speech.

“And also the holidays are for eating delicious food!” Paperman quickly added.

The girl laughed and quickly wrote something down. Paperman tried to read it but was interrupted by the Snow Witch running up to him and giving him a hug.

“Thank you,” the witch said warmly, “I promise I won’t try to cover Paperworld in snow. Can I at least join you for the feast?”

Paperman nodded and then smiled at the girl before the Snow Witch used her scissors to cut another hole in the 2D continuum in the paper on which they stood that allowed that to jump back into Paperworld.

Paperworld was now saved from a most icy fate

Our hero smiled and waved as he walked through the Ice City Gate

His new companion smiled and walked beside him

Happy to be loved and not the cause of feelings so grim

The great hall inside was full of such holiday cheer

With tables now laden with food now stacked tier upon tier

Paperman gazed with delight then greeted the host

The queen of the city asked Paperman to give a toast

“To loved ones and heroes we celebrate this day.

The warmth they bring us we pray will always stay.”

Paperman smiled as he uttered his rhyme then added with a flourish.

“Happy feasting to all and to all a good night!”