Homecoming (2016)
Hello, readers! I, Paperman, illustrious hero of Paperworld, will be telling this story! Just sit back, relax, and prepare yourself to be amazed by my tale of daring heroics!
It all started on a perfectly normal and beautiful day. I was returning home from a well-deserved vacation at Lava Volcano (they have an amazing spa) when my heroic intuition sensed something was wrong as I arrived at the gate to Papertown. I knocked and no on answered! Sometimes the guards are taking a break but they usually take a break from their break to see me. After a few more minutes of waiting on the guards I was about to scale the wall when the gate slowly opened. I saw one of the guards on top of the wall operating the gate but he did not saw anything when I greeted him. He just awkwardly smiled and waved. I did not think much of it since I was so tired from my hike back from Lava Volcano but as I walked through the streets of the town my keen perception picked up on the fact that the town appeared to be deserted. Something definitely felt amiss and I dashed back to my house to prepare myself for a heroic adventure.
The last thing I remember was walking through my front door. Then everything got a little fuzzy before going black. I would like to take a moment to point out that I usually do not get kidnapped but that spa at the Lava Volcano was really good! I was relaxed into a stupor and my hero senses may have been a little dulled because of it. I was also not expecting thugs to be in my house.
The next thing I remember I was being splashed with cold water, kind of the last thing you want when you have been knocked unconscious. I quickly took stock of my surroundings and realized I was tied to a chair somewhere underground. It was dark except for a few lanterns on the walls. Before I saw anyone I heard a very familiar voice.
“Welcome home, Paperman,” Baron Ivo Von Claw laughed as he stepped into the light in front of me (I really wish you were listening to me tell this story, I do a very good impression of Von Claw. His voice sounds like smooth butter spread over a very delicious but incredibly evil piece of toast. Also, I just realized I never told you about my arch-nemesis before his execution. Baron Ivo Von Claw is Rip before his incident with a paper shredder and he went crazy and started calling himself Rip. Could I make this parenthetical interjection any longer? The Writer would get mad at me for this but I will just tell him it is a heroic parenthetical!)
“What are you doing here?” I said to the Baron (aka Rip) in my most heroic voice.
“I decided to house sit while you were away,” the Baron laughed as he twirled his mustache.
“You couldn’t house sit a closet!” I retorted.
“I haven’t heard any complaints,” Von Claw replied as he snapped his fingers. Immediately two of his cronies dragged Master Pencil from another room. He was bound and gagged and look terrified.
“You won’t get away with this!” I yelled.
“I think I will,” Ivo laughed as he tipped his top hat (I always hated when he did that), “my gang has already taken over the city and all that’s left is to publicly execute you to ensure an easy transition of power for the gentle people of this town.”
Ivo laughed as he exited the room with his flunkies, leaving Master Pencil and myself alone. Only a few minutes passed before about five members of Ivo’s gang entered the room with a giant cage on wheels. They were arguing amongst themselves about who would have to push the cage once Master Pencil and I were locked inside, making a few insulting comments about my weight. They pushed and shoved at each other and did not notice that I grabbed a knife off of one of their belts when they stepped too close to me. I quickly cut the ropes that bound my hands and waited for them to approach me. When two of them were within arm’s reach behind me I sprung into action. I quickly swung my arms up and caught both of them under the chin, sending them reeling backward. I readied myself for the other three but unfortunately forgot to cut the ropes that bound my legs to the chair and I tripped (did I mention that going to a spa and then being knocked unconscious can make you forget things?). Because I am a hero, though, I quickly recovered, and when the other three flunkies rushed me I swung the chair at them with my legs and managed to smash it on the back of one of their heads, knocking him unconscious, and the other two backed off as I jumped to my feet.
I would like to say that they surrendered after my display of dexterity and heroism but, in classic villain form, they did not. It only took a few minutes of quick handsprings and flying kicks to render all five of them unconscious, though. With the present threat gone I removed the gag from Master Pencil’s mouth. He thanked me, of course, but we both knew we needed to do something about the Baron before he put the people of Papertown in any further danger. We quickly devised a plan and I borrowed some of the clothes off one of Ivo’s cronies and I used a bandanna as a mask (over my own mask of course).
Now that I looked like one of Ivo’s men I helped Master Pencil into the cage, replaced the gag, and rolled him out one of the doors, through a few winding hallways, and into the courtyard to Pencil Palace (we had apparently been tied up in one of the storerooms beneath the palace). We could hear Ivo rambling about his evil genius to the scared people of Papertown. I quickly assessed the situation and saw gang members spread out through the crowd to ensure everyone cooperated with the Baron’s evil plan. I rolled the cage to the base of the steps and Ivo’s men immediately let out a cheer. The Baron continued to monologue as he walked down the steps toward the cage.
“Where is Paperman?” He muttered under his breath to me, thinking I was part of his gang. I responded with a shrug.
“No matter,” he replied, “this will have to do for now.”
Rip tapped his cane on the ground and a sharp point immediately appeared out of the top. He made a grand show of presenting the sword to the crowd and then pointing it at Master Pencil. A few members of the crowd tried to rush forward but were stopped by the gang members in the crowd. Ivo laughed at their futile attempts at heroism.
“I am your new ruler,” Ivo announced with a smile, “I am smarter and stronger than Master Pencil. He may have created this town but I will lead it into a new age!”
“Paperman will stop you!” A small boy in the crowd yelled.
“Paperman left you,” Ivo laughed, “Where is he now?”
Knowing I could not have written myself a better cue, I quickly ripped off my second mask and punched Ivo in his face, cracking his monocle. A look of surprise flashed across his face as he realized he had been tricked. He signaled for his gang to help him but as they gathered themselves to stop me, the people of Papertown sprang into action. They tripped Ivo’s flunkies and before they could draw their weapons they were on top of them.
While all of this was going on, I was locked in combat with my arch-nemesis on the steps of Pencil Palace. Ivo swiped at me with his sword and I dodged, always looking for an opening in his defense. The Baron was always a formidable foe. He almost cut me a few times but I always managed to avoid his blade. We traded blows until Ivo heard the cheers of the villagers and he realized he had been defeated. At least I thought he realized he had been defeated. In one last desperate attempt at victory, Ivo lunged at me with his sword, catching me unaware. I tried to dodge the attack but the sword went through my foot, and into a crack in the marble step of the palace, pinning me there. Ivo laughed as he collected himself and rushed at me. I braced myself for his attack when Ivo was stopped in his tracks by a boot hitting him in the head. We both stopped to see that the people of Papertown had banded together and were picking up everything in sight to throw at the Baron. Ivo grumbled angrily as he backed away from the angry mob. Unable to fight an entire town alone he now realized he had been defeated.
“As long as the people of Papertown have strength left to fight, you can never win,” I laughed.
“You haven’t seen the last of me,” Ivo laughed as he pushed past me and grabbed his cane, releasing my foot from the step. He then threw a smoke bomb and by the time the smoke cleared he was gone, leaving his incapacitated gang behind.
Ivo’s gang was lead to the dungeon underneath Pencil Palace. We knew Ivo would return for them and we would be ready for him. Master Pencil was freed and we held a festival to celebrate the people of the town and their heroism. Even though I was not the only hero that day, and walking with a slight limp, it felt good to share the spotlight with my townspeople. I was happy to know that when I decided to take another vacation I was leaving Papertown in their capable (if only slightly less heroic) hands.