The Christmasventure of Paperman 2: Snowflakepocalypse! (2018)

‘Twasn’t quite the night before Christmas

But the Writer needed a story

And since nothing rhymes with Christmas

He worried it would be quite boring

“Whoah, Whoah, Whoah!”

The great hero Paperman cried!

“This rhyming needs to go!”

‘Twas something he despised

“Stop that!” came Paperman’s call

As outside snow began to fall

“No!” Paperman shouted!

You can’t shoehorn this in!”

“No more italics!

No more pageantry!

I don’t talk like this!

Just let me be!”

            And with that the rhyming stopped. The Writer switched to prose. Sometimes that is just how things go.

“Ha, ha!” laughed Paperman, “I was afraid I was gonna’ get stuck in another lame Christmas special! Good thing that’s over!”

“Christmas specials? I love those! The rhymes and holiday cheer are so much fun!”

            Paperman looked over and saw Joshua, the boy hero, standing beside him. He had traded out his normal hooded cape for a festive red one.

“When did you get here?” Paperman asked.

“I dunno’,” Joshua shrugged, “One minute I was in 2D City, the next I was here.”

“Okay, this deus ex machina stuff has gotta’ stop!” Paperman shouted out to the Writer, “Just because I’m not gonna’ play along with your little Christmas game doesn’t mean you can just make up some storyline where I invite Joshua to Papertown for some heartwarming adventure.”

“Isn’t that what you did?” Joshua asked, “We were gonna’ travel to the Ice Mountains together for the Snow Crop Festival.”

“Yes,” said Paperman with a whistle.

“If we don’t leave soon, we’ll get caught like a thistle.”

At this Joshua looked quite puzzled.

It seems his great hero by rhyme had been muzzled.

“I apologize,” Said Paperman in respectable time.

This Writer has problems

“And is so bad at rhyme!”

And with that insult the Writer left Paperman and Joshua to themselves. The story basically wrote itself at this point and he was tired of being insulted by someone from his own imagination.

With the Writer gone, Paperman and Joshua prepared for their trip. They would be cutting it close this year because Paperman had to wait for Joshua to arrive from his latest adventure but he was happy to have a friend visiting him for the holiday season and even more glad that he had planned this all along without any manipulation from the Writer whatsoever. 

            Suddenly without warning the ground began to shake. Paperman and Joshua dove underneath a table, as the rumbling grew worse. Then the ground began to ripple as if it were water. The walls of Paperman’s home wobbled like a bowl full of jelly! Just when they thought the world would rip in two, it stopped.

            As the two heroes crawled out from under the table and got back on their feet, they both walked outside and looked down on Papertown from the hilltop on which Paperman’s house sat.

“That was quite abnormal,”

Joshua cried.

“Abnormal Shmabnormal!”

Paperman replied.

“If we don’t solve this one quick

This rhyming junk will make me quite sick!”

And with that decree

A great flash rent the sky

“Whatever could it be?”

Joshua asked and shielded his eyes.

“Something from another world.”

Paperman said and dashed down the hill.

“Like aliens?” Joshua’s smile curled.

“Or something far worse, something that keeps us rhyming still!”

And as they grew closer the heroes did pause

They saw the source of the light

And ‘twas not Santa Clause

But ‘twas bright steel that cut with great might

“Do we have to climb that thing?”

“I think we just might!”

Paperman grimaced as he rhymed once again

And he grabbed Joshua’s grappling hook

He took aim and took aim once again

He got stuck in a rhyme loop ‘cuz nothing rhymes with grappling hook

“This rhyming’s quite dangerous!”

The hero called to his friend

“I find it quite fun, I’d like to do this again!”

            Then the grappling hook caught onto the metallic structure that had rained from the sky and Paperman felt himself return to the freedom of prose.

“What just happened?” Joshua asked, looking into Paperman’s eyes.

“I have no idea, but when the grappling hook touched whatever this thing is, I felt myself freed from the rhyme scheme!”

            The heroes did not have time to talk, though. The metallic structure began to rise out of the ground back toward the sky and it carried them with it.

            Joshua hit a button on the side of the grappling hook and the rope began to coil back into the gun, carrying them up to the top of whatever they were connected to. They were lifted up higher and higher through the clouds and finally out of Paperworld! The heroes looked down and could see the world laid out beneath them as if it were drawn on a piece of paper.

“What’s happening?” Joshua gasped as he looked below them.

“I think we’re getting pulled out of Paperworld and into the third dimension!” Paperman called back as they reached the top of the mysterious object.

            The duo climbed onto what appeared to be a very long, thin wall. On either side was a steep drop back down to Paperworld.

“What are you doing here?” Called a voice from above them. Our heroes looked up and saw a young girl looking down at them.

“I remember you!” Paperman shouted up to her. “You’re the Writer’s sister! You created that snow witch I had to fight last year!”

“Yeah, that was fun!” the girl recalled.

“Let’s agree to disagree,” Paperman replied.

“Who’s your friend?” the sister asked.

“My name is the Paper Avenger!” Joshua shouted as he struck a heroic pose.

“So you stuck with that name, huh?” Paperman whispered under his breath.

“Yeah, what’s wrong with it?”

“Nothing, it’s great.”

“So why are you two climbing on my scissors?” the sister asked.

            Our heroes looked back down at the metallic structure they were standing on and realized it was a giant pair of scissors (or giant to them at least).

“They were cutting into Paperworld,” Paperman shouted up at her. “And that’s not cool! Why are you doing that?”

“Well, after last year, I decided I needed to try harder to get into the holiday spirit so I made snowflakes.”

            With a flourish the sister pointed at pieces of paper she had cut to look like snowflakes that now hung from the ceiling. The sight made Paperman and Joshua weak at the knees. They thought they were going to be sick. Holes pierced through worlds drawn on paper and displayed like trophies littered the room. They had never seen such wanton destruction before.

“What evil is this?” Joshua asked in disbelief.

“It’s not evil, it’s Christmas!” the sister replied with a smile.

“These scissors give you the power to destroy worlds! You must be stopped!” Joshua cried, but before he could swing into action, Paperman put a hand on his shoulder and whispered into his ear.

“There’s nothing we can do. We have no power here.”

            Joshua pulled the trigger on his grappling gun and watched as the hook danced through the air and limply fell in the wind like paper caught in the wind.

“There must be something with Christmas time so near!”

“What’s wrong, guys? I just wanna’ spread some holiday cheer!”

With a gulp, Paperman approached the girl

In his mind a dangerous plan did whirl

He embraced the magical time of the season

He felt himself overcome by rhyme

All he needed was a heroic reason

And now it seemed was that time

“I know snowflakes are festive,

But you can’t go ‘round destroying whole worlds.

I don’t mean to sound suggestive,

But ‘t’isn’t nice for little girls.”

And so Paperman spoke

Filled with great aplomb

The spirit of Christmas he stoked

And he was done before long

His rhyme scheme didn’t glisten

His stanzas weren’t neat

But the girl before him did listen

‘Twas quite the holiday treat

“I won’t destroy worlds,” the sister agreed with a smile.

“I’ll create snowflakes with blank paper, that’s more my style.”

The heroes did nod, then looked down at the ground.

‘Twas quite a drop to get back to Papertown.

With no powers, the heroes looked to the girl

And behind her eyes a plan did unfurl

With a simple puff of her breath our heroes drifted back to their world

Like snowflakes they fell, through the tear in dimensions they whirled

“Wow that was great! I always love having adventures with you, Paperman!” Joshua exclaimed. Then he paused as he realized the sun was beginning to set. “Too bad it is going to make us late to the Snow Crop Festival Feast in the Ice Mountains this year.”

And then Paperman sat

And he thought and he thought

Then he thought a thought he didn’t think he ought to have thought

“This rhyming thing is really quite fun!

Let’s stay home, this adventure is done!”

And so the heroes sat down to a homecooked feast

It was something neither one did mind in the least

While feasts and ice castles are all well and all grand

No matter where you go, you can eat all you can stand

The holidays are for those that are near to our hearts

With family and friends are where your holidays start

So, once again, Paperman says, “Happy feasting to all and to all a good night!”